Sir, I believe you have checked me into the wrong room

About three years ago I discovered dog friendly hotels. Since I am prone to acting like I don't know anything, I will honestly say, I did not know a 'good' hotel would allow dogs in their rooms. I discovered this fact by flipping through a dated and dog-eared AAA guide. Noticing a small dog icon, I quickly paged to the glossary to interpret this symbol. After a quick phone call, I had entered a new world. But I was completely suspicious of this advertising.
I booked in, and arrived with my two dogs. After the door of the suite was enthusiastically rushed and we all entered, I grabbed the dogs and quickly put them back into the van. I went to the front desk. "Sir, I believe you have checked me into the wrong room." Two queen sized beds, walnut furniture, a new comforters on the beds, paper on the side table, a full bar, heating lamps in the ceiling of the bathroom, and ten fat towels.
"Well.... let me check...hmmmm....not a mistake.... you are in the right room." I was secretly thinking, 'new guy at the desk.' From that point forward, my dogs made friends with all the salesmen in the bar, all the spanish speaking housekeepers, and lounged around poolside with the children.
One nice thing about going to graduate school is rubbing elbows with people who look nuttier than you are. There is something reassuring about this. 'I haven't completely fallen off the edge. I just met someone who is crazier than I am.'
Before FATHER, (really...this guy is a priest), Professor DeFrancisco lectured on our authors, Julian, Bernard, Eckhart, Theresa, Francis, Clare, Augustine, William, Marguerite, Radner and a long list of others he would issue the WARNING:
"This is sensual, sexual, passionate. It is the language of love, expressed by lovers. It is written from a position of unbridled adoration, ardour, fervour. It is desire taken to the language. It is laced with sexual eagerness. It will get inside of you in a way that will torture you. It will affect your dreams. Your dreaming will change. This writing is fluid, expressive, and dynamic. You will be changed, and I warn you, after you witness this relationship, man to God and woman to God, you will want what they have experienced. That want will change the way you seek and experience God. You will be frustrated, empty disappointed, and challenged. You will want God as your lover, and after that yearning is felt, you will never be the same. I warn you."
After listening to this preface over the first month of class, I have to admit I was terrified. But I felt safe as I pretty much landed on the 'NUTS' label, and I didn't notice any change in my dreaming. Besides the fact that I had to read everything twice or three times to grasp one sentence. My speed reading diminished significantly, as my comprehension level had returned to 'See Jane run.'
I noticed the change in my dreaming about two weeks ago. For one thing, I was able to remember my dreams. For another, I was waking in the middle of the night, victim to a terrible and complex situation. If I returned to sleep the dream scenario continued without a missed beat. I was often up in the kitchen at 2:00 am, eating and passing the time. "Is it safe to go back to bed I would ask myself at 3:00 am." My dreams were now in vivid color, and often frightening and violent. Every person from my past was now fully seated as a colorful actor. My dead father was skipping through. My mother died several times in these dreams. My dead pets accompanied me on adventures. I often awoke covered in sweat, and stripped off my pajamas, to return to bed naked. I adjusted the corn/pellet stove to the lowest setting: 1. I would throw off the quilts, and then reawaken to gather them all up in a lump, and lump them upon myself. The bed looked like it had a gigantic ball in the middle of it. I would sort through the pillows, picking the perfect pillows. And finally, I would stop all this fussing, dress and drive away to walk my dogs at 4:30 am in the morning: 'I give up.'

In conclusion, all I have to say is this: "Sir, I believe you have checked me into the wrong room."