Well, How Hard Is It To Find Corn In Iowa?

For those reading this blog, which probably means me, I have Professor DeFrancisco on Monday nights, from 6:00 to 9:00 pm. I can't really say that I am afraid of him. But I can say that I take him very seriously. It is not his yelling that straps me to his orders. It is his confidence in putting forward his demands. I have decided to go with him, rather than fight him. So I have been writing out my life story, as he ordered last week, and this blog will no doubt indicate that activity, over this semester. I am only saying this because I feel like a self-involved teenager, with a variation of MySpace. This feels like a massive self-involved web tout of self-importance, great insights and the significance of my life events. Is this an apology? I don't think so, I think it is an attempt on my part to stick to the task, and trust the task. Which means in the large picture, staying in the seminary.
I definitely feel like avoiding the life story, minimizing it and judging myself.

My little corn/pellet stove takes about five bags of fuel per week. I have had a great source of wood pellets and corn, Orschlens. A farm and agricultural store. Somewhat like a Fleet and Farm. I was thrilled to have a reason to go to this store every week because in the dead of winter, they start incubating eggs in the store. Chickens and ducks. They set up a simple process for this in the middle of the store, and over time, the little chicks and ducks hatch and start running around an enclosed area, entertaining all the customers. I completely love this because it takes the sting out of winter. About two weeks ago, I went to the area where the 40 pound bags of corn are stacked. No corn. And after inquiring if it was in the back storage area, I was told no. They wouldn't be carrying corn again, until next winter. According to the calendar and computer that governs these deliveries, winter was now over in Iowa. Well, I thought, bundled in my four layers and heavy boots, thank God for that.

I grew up in a family of two grandparents, two parents, and ten siblings. If I compressed and distilled these fourteen personalities, and asked this question:
'How hard is it to find corn in Iowa?' the answer would be: 'As hard as you want to make it.'

Their minds completely agile, they would all move to the obvious. But the answer would not be the obvious. The answer would be wrapped in dry wit, sarcasm, insinuation, hint, innuendo, humor, challenge, humiliation, reversed analogy, fancy or whim. The person asking the question would then land on, 'figure it out.' (This entire process due to the Irish gene in the family.)

When I first drove the forty miles to St. Ambrose, I took a large cup of coffee with me in the van. I arrived on a campus that is basically boxed in design. Squared buildings positioned in squares. I had to go to the bathroom, and I had to go quick. Which box held the closest bathroom? The correct answer was more than necessary. "As hard as you want to make it." I asked a lumbering mass of post-athletic stardom hiding behind a comb-over: "Where is the closest bathroom?"
When I decided to dig out my foundation this summer, I asked myself 'how hard is that going to be?' I decided to dig in the morning, two or three hours and stop for lunch, walk the dogs, and not go back to it in the afternoon. I did this for a month. How hard is it to dig out the foundation of your house? "As hard as you want to make it."
When I was told at Orschlens, no more corn, I drove three miles down the road to Gringers Feed and Seed. They had 50 pound bags. And an endless, year round supply. How hard is it to find corn in Iowa? It is as hard as you want to make it.

In the last three years of my life I have asked myself:

How hard is it going to be to insert God back into my life? Same answer.
How hard is it going to be to forgive? Same answer.
How hard will it be to let love back into my feeling life. Same answer.
How hard will it be to restructure and jump start my career? Same answer.

And last night, I was in bed with Professor DeFrancisco's defensive behavior check list. How hard was it going to be to look at my behavior, and why I act the way I do. How hard was it going to be to face myself in a new way?

Same answer.

As hard as you want to make it.

Obviously, making this hard, has it's benefits.