Small Notice

DeFrancisco has assigned the writing of the autobiography to last over the five months of spring semester. When I think about this, I only want to jump to any other task I have or can cook up. The more mundane, the better. Today, I am thinking of washing all the quilts and down comforters on my bed. This means going to the laudromat. And standing around brain dead as the washing and drying tubs circle endlessly and repetitively. It is always too hot down there, making me sick, in my soul.

As well, in the basement, I have a storage locker for nails. Four shelves of nails, hinges, bolts and screws. I am thinking about going down there, and reorganizing my hardware. Which can be found in a variety of half empty boxes, plastic containers, and tin cans...leftovers from variety of jobs, and an eternity of lifetimes. It is always too dark down there, making me sick, in my soul.

I have been thinking about being immersed, to my young adulthood, in large scale structures. I don't think I have anything particularity insightful, nor wise to reap from this reflection. It was stimulated by listening to two birds call and sing to each other, this morning. They were very high in the canopy. I never could locate them. But their vocalization was piercing. I was ankle deep in new snow. I had hung several of my 'layers' on friendly tree branches, and moved on, knowing that they would be exactly where I left them, car keys and coffee cup, when I backtracked to the van. I was in a big place, with a gigantic view and a dramatic cut. But I was listening to two birds sing and call. That took me. Two birds were the walk for me, this morning.

And that is how I worked it as a child in a large family, a child whose family had a large people oriented business, a child shackled to the large sin, redemption talk and practice of Catholism.

This background is the genesis of the 'small notice.'



If I was in a nuclear bomb drop, I would probably be acting like I was ignoring it.

Large explains my work life, and my career path.

It is the foundational point of approaching any seemingly long or enormous house rebuilding project.

No crowd bothers me. And the crazier it is, the homier it feels.

If forty people were added to a two person supper, finding the plates would not be a problem, and everyone would be fed.

I am very sensitve to the large overlay, I was formed by 'large.' I watch and respond to it as deftly as 'Columbo.'

This has been bred into me. I can do large, blind, deaf, and tied to a chair.

This is a part of my personality that I have been referring to as the Linda who seems 'not interested.' Water off a duck's back, Linda.
Large is a composite of skill, experience, orientation, function and survival. I can do large.

But I ground myself in the small notice.

My neighbor brought over a small container of small, perfectly decorated Valentine cookies.

I have icicles on the back grape vine, that are reflecting small prisms of light into the family room.

I have a small mouse living somewhere in my kitchen.

I enjoy my small dog more because I have the giant dog.

I received a small tin of English toffee in the mail. A sweet, small gesture from a loving person.

I am in school, which feels like an inordinately large venture, making small progress.

I have found a small way to let God back into my life. I am doing this by way of small prayer.

I am making small progress on asking others for help, for forgiveness, and for encouragement.

I am saying to my small inner child, don't hide in the large Linda, come out and play.

I cooked a small chicken last night in my large stainless steel pot.

I am giving myself small notice to love, and let love touch me, in my small inner places.

I enjoyed the small clear notes of two small birds.