My Game Book Is Not Their Game Book

I am not writing on my blog much because the 'autobiograpy' assignment is raking up so many negative feelings I don't care to spend my time processing them twice, once for DeFrancisco and once for my blog.

As well, these feelings are impacting my daily prayer walk, making the optimistic, warm, open, friendly spiritual quest to connect with God, colored and impacted. This is the crux of 'distraction' when praying.

My thoughts landed on 'My Game Book Is Not Their Game Book,' when trying to understand and resolve the impact of important people who have crossed my life path. The ice did not distract me from feeling my anger and my rage concerning what happens when the 'game book' is different. As we all know, every 'sport' has a game book, and somewhere along the line, we get the idea that this book is the same book for all players.

One good thing I can say about my reflections this morning...at 58 years old I realize that this is not true. Okay, I get it.

I can't say that 'I get' where other people fit into the spiritual journey.

Except to destroy it, solidify it, create it, experience it, reject it, reverberate it, renounce it, hate it, love it, stabilize it, structure it, complete it, revitalize it, disavow it, assist it, motivate it, merge with it, hurt it, help it.

I did a very long research paper on a Mennonite theologian, named Kaufman. He states that we join the life force of the Divine Creator and it is only through us that the Creative Life and Love Force continues creating all that is good, invigorating, strengthening, inspired, healing, new, loving, optimistic, compassionate, gentle, encouraging, happy, content, composting, inventing, contributing, developing, ending, beginning, and moving to where life and love flows.

This morning, I want for God and a spiritual life without the impact, insertion, or intersection of other people. I feel like a bad cook in God's kitchen. I am not too interested today in placing the lump of clay on the potter's wheel. I don't want the responsibility of God moving through me to make the plan work. God-Through-Me feels like been-there-done-that-please-stop.

So this is my prayer this morning:

Dear God, I am sick of You.

Amen