Another Day In Paradise: Postscript to Ann R.

Dear Ann,
It has been a very long time since we sat down and talked about the politics of the athletic department. You have been so sensitive about this, as I remake myself, you have probably wondered if I cared about you, and what has happened to you. I do and I have. And I have been on the prayer chain for you, big time, during your own transformation and healing process.
Last week, when our favorite megalomaniac hit the news with his resignation, several people called the house to get my feelings and take on it. My first reaction was, 'don't go there.' I am mentioning this as the result of walking three inches at a time with my crippled Corgi. That is what I am doing for Lent. It is a very physical discipline that represents boundary setting on my own desire and demand. And guess what? I didn't go there. I didn't open it up, and I didn't roll around in it, like the other dog, who likes dead fish. The result of this was not suffering hours of closing it up. And suffering the pain of reliving the 'Invisible Fence.' The 'Invisible Fence' is an electro-shocking product that keeps a dog in a yard. It works and it is brutal.
When I think of my old job, this is the image I have of it. Knowing where the boundaries have been set, and walking through them to do my job. Taking the electricity, taking the hit, refusing to stay in the yard. I like knowing this, that I would electrocute myself to do what I was supposed to do, and had to do. I never would have let myself down, nor let you down.

I didn't listen to the news on his resignation. I didn't read the papers. And I turned the T.V. off when it came on. Why? It is over. And within that simple assessment, I can honestly say I have made progress on letting it go.

Two nights ago, I saw an old friend for a dog walk. We haven't seen each other for two years. I told him what I was doing, and realized when I vocalized it, what it has taken to transform me and heal me. A total immersion in a spiritual environment, academic and physical...meaning the great outdoors. As we both know, I am not a Bible thumper, and if I was caught in church, I would probably be dead. I haven't talked about it much, and those who know I am in school are almost afraid to bring it up. They can't fathom what it is all about. Most people think I have flipped.

Three people know what it is all about.

You.

Don, a prison chaplain friend of mine who has met scarier.

And Hauser, whose enormous strength and confidence in me will go unspoken and undefined.

So this morning, I want to thank you. For being stalwart at a distance. I have needed that distance. There isn't a morning at the lake that I don't thank you. You are restrained in your insight where I like to speak my insight. You have taught me that. For your personal discipline when under fire. I have never seen you lose it when attacked and misunderstood. For your ability to distract with jokes and little stories when something is unfolding and you need time to get your head around it, and make decisions. You are deft. For your willingness to do what needs to be done, when the decision is vastly unpopular in the ranks. You have great strength, and a internal compass that works in all terrifying storms. You are a good person.

I am taking comfort in the seasonal transformation. The smell of grass and mud, the sounds of birds and wind. I slept last night, with all the windows and doors of my house open. When I went to bed, I decided to open the entire house to a sweet, sticky and fragrant air.

It is my hope that you are experiencing movement and God's presence as you experience your day, and reach for your goals.

Much love...and keep your faith in your healing path...you have meant more to me than I could ever express.

Linda

P.S. You are on my list. You went on my list a very long time ago.