Who Am I Now?

In some ways, it is comforting to know that I am no longer the person I was four months ago. This comfort arrives in feeling the soft edge of compassion, and my own tenderness when out in the world. I returned something in a small town hardware store this morning. It involved electronically processing the return. And it was being done by an woman who was probably near seventy. Familarity with computers is not innate in this age range. I saw the frustration on her face, and her embarrassment at the length of time the transaction demanded. A transaction that acted up, refusing to cooperate. Forcing her to try again, though she did not understand what went wrong the first time. I had made her life in the quiet country store, less enjoyable. For that, I apologized. And that is what death has done to me, and for me. Brought me to the knowledge of my impact in both simple and complex interactions. And hope for a merged edge, rather than a ragged edge, when involved with friends, family, and strangers. I suppose the foundation point of this is an increased sensitivity, that is sensual and intuitive. Do I resent this? I would like to say so, but then would close my mind and heart to opportunity...... and the gifts of a gentle God, offering kindness and solace to my brokenness. The store clerk said to me: "You don't have to worry about me, I am here to help you. This mess on the computer counts for nothing in the big world. It seems to work out, no matter how little I know, or how much I screw up."